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“Dr. Penelope Lange, Psy. D”I put the card in my pocket, sure I wouldn’t be giving her a call.Yeah, I was having problems but a therapist? No.Two giggling girls stumbled in, holding Starbucks. “Um, like, where’s your Neruda? Barnes & Noble is sold out.”Instead of throwing myself off the nearest tall building, I heaved in a breath and pasted on a smile.I could do this, and on my own.That night, I played around on Facebook. I was still friends with my ex-fiancé George because I liked seeing what he was up to, as much as it still tore up my heart to witness him moving on without barely a scar.George Cruise commented on his own photo: “Shirley, you’re such a flirt :P”“Dick,” I muttered, fisting another handful of dry Fruit Loops into my mouth.George Cruise liked Diane Dawson’s status.“Asshole.” I uncorked a bottle of wine and took a swig right out of the bottle.George Cruise is engaged to Phyllis Landry.“Piece of...” but I stopped, rereading the words until they became blurry and. Naturally, we did internet research. That was eye-widening. There is a lot of silliness, crudity and plain stupidity out there marketing itself as ‘BDSM.’ Most of it is just fantasy material for horny boys and lonely girls. Some of the personal blogs, though, are quite helpful (I can give you a list if you like). They offer intelligent observations about how the sex is just part of the knowing yourself, and the knowing yourself is just part of something much bigger–your life and the life of your partner. Discovering submission can be life-transforming (it certainly was for us), but it doesn’t, and shouldn’t, displace all the other things in your life, which remain just as valuable as they ever were. (And if you don’t have those other things, submission alone isn’t going to compensate for them.) On the contrary, improving your relationship (and, in my case, personality) should make all that other stuff work better than it did before. That’s a pretty good check on how well you’re doing.
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